An Expert Opinion

You know what I miss - well, I can't actually miss it because I've never really experienced it - but I miss physical intimacy. I think I miss physical contact, I've spent the past two weeks staring at couples in the street and boy, do I envy them. Not because I'm at all attracted to the particular partner but it's the ease of being with some one. It's the way, their arms rest across each others shoulders, the way they laugh in time. It's the interlinked fingers, the shared glances. This all sounds so trite and twee but I imagine there must be nothing better, than after a long day, coming home to a hug. I was at a friend's house and her boyfriend came home and the simple kiss hello, was to me, so beautfiul. I think physical intimacy represents the next step for me. I am in no way a touchy feely person, I'm not stay away personal space person either, just somewhere in the middle but due to the lack of extensive relationships, there hasn't been time to mould into that type of contact. I worry, as I get older too that I'm missing all the opportunities to do certain things at a certain age. I'm too old to be a teenager in love. I'm too old to date the wrong guy. I'm too old to sleep around. I'm getting too old to have my hands all over someone in public, because I simply can't resist him. I'm at the age where relationships come with a destination and having never even got on the train before, I'm an obvious tourist and I worry that it shows.

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The other day, I heard an interview for one of the contributors to this new book The Secret and I was absolutely furious. The basic premise of the secret is that everyone already has the potential to unlock their own success and it's the negative thoughts that hold them back. Apparently this secret governs everything in our lives, from wealth and relationships to health and environment. The interviewer rightly asked how does some poor person in Indonesia going about their daily business, how does their negative energy deliver a tsnami to their doorstep? The 'expert' said that was a hard one to explain (sure it was!) but found a better example in cancer patients. He prefaced that in no way is he suggesting that cancer patients will cancer on themselves, but people can tend to focus on desperately avoiding getting sick, that they make themselves sick. AS IF! I didn't get to hear much more of the interview, but I was completely enraged. You tell that story to Belinda Emmett and Rove McManus and see how far that gets you. Tell that story to the family who just retrieved their fourteen year old daughter from Sydney Harbour. Did she have massive negative energy about a boating accident?

What enraged me upon further thought was the fact that this 'expert' and his 'secret' then prescribed that I am single because I spent so long thinking about single. Bollocks! Sure, I do spend time thinking about my status but I in no way believe that this negatively affects my search!

I think telling people that their current emotional state is the reason for their lot in life is so dangerous and presumptive. It's why I absolutely detest people like Sam Brett, Mr Secret and the people who wrote 'He's Just Not That Into Me'. I think to generalise what is an incredibly complex and tricky part of life is absurd. I think lecturing people about how they are doing it wrong is even worse. I read the Sam Brett blog recently, with open eyes and was disgusted. She proceeded to cliche and trivalise her way through an entire post. She refused to refer to her own love life and lecture about new and hip ways to meet men (amazingly the chosen way to meet men was also a sponsor that day on the site - imagine the coincidence).

My problem with all these so called experts is I don't think you can be an expert in love. It's against everything that love is. It's messy, and confusing and for every new match comes a new set of rules based on individual personality. I think you can offer advice, I think you can relate personal experiences but I don't believe for second you can generalise. Love is about being stupid and crazy and irrational and brave. Above anything else, I believe, it's about bravery. It's about putting everything on the line and say this is me, this is who I am, you chose to love me. And to let that decision be in some one else's hands is frightening! How dare these 'experts' teach us with games, and energy and vibes that we can change it all. I have friends in the various many stages of love, from myself with nothing through to just marrieds. And every single one of us is brave. From my friend who is trying something completely outside her comfort zone and removed from her normal world; another friend who has every right to pack her bags and boot love out the door but has bravely said I will not let some one ruin love for me, she is putting herself out there again and being rewarded accordingly with love that respects her; another friend who, like me, battled in trenchs for so long alone is finally finding the just rewards of waiting, she is bravely taking the next step; another friend who has found the first man to love her is the best man and he treats her with honour and desire. To all my friends who bravely take the step each day, I am in awe of you all and your bravery. You fly in the face of these so called experts and I am so thankful for that. You are my brave inspiration and because of all of you, in your various relationships or like me, none at all, that makes me believe.