The Beginning

It begins, of course, with a new year's resolution. And for me, it's the same every year. The same wish, and prayer, as opposed to a resolution - which I guess should clue me into something wrong - but still I make it every year. It's to find love, and not be afraid to embrace it all forms. Very mumbo jumbo, touchy feely Oprah style. Still, I'm, underneath my cynic sheep clothing, an incurable romantic. I believe in love, I believe that completes you, I believe it offers you a new perspective on yourself. I believe.

With all this belief, you'd think I have rich and coloured romantic history. You'd think there a great loves, and heartbreak, and seperation in my past. In fact it's quite the opposite. And I'm not some heartbroken girl dismissing that ex-boyfriend, that they don't want to acknowledge. Oh no, there is no ex-boyfriend. The last relationship - and I use the term loosely - was more than four years ago, and wasn't a relationship as more falling into something.

So what this means for me, is, loneliness. An indescribable and unremovable loneliness. Yes, it's fine I'm okay, I'm not going to drown in my own self pity. The loneliness stems not from being some hidden away recluse - for I love my life, and my friends, family and I actually, mostly, enjoy my job. It's just that after being single for so long, most girls' get look back and have that memory of a boyfriend telling how much they loved them, how beautiful they are and that they are there for them. Because even though family will tell you this, they are bound by bonds of being family. Someone you date is there because they like you, they are attracted to you, they seek you out. It's a form of validation that most people have some where in their memories. Me, not so much. Yes, that's right, I've never been in love.

Now all this moaning and whinging is very pretentious but it's the back story to this blog. It's the set up so you know where I stand before I jump into all this. Every year I make the same wish and so far, I've come up trumps. So like all the people who will follow their weight loss on scales, I will open it up, for consumption. Two people may read this blog, no people may read this blog but at least it will compel to me follow through.

If you're wondering why Being Brave on a Sunday - it's because I always find myself, on the Sunday before the week starts, making promises to myself. I will eat healthy, I will go to bed that little bit earlier so I can get up earlier, I will do my laundry. Never happens but it's that Sunday bravery that I'm trying to embrace.

My first embracing of it, hasn't gone all that well. After being fearful of internet dating for many years and having smug coupled friends, tell me what a great idea it is (sure it's easy for you, you don't have to do it) I heard a friend talk about what a great date he had from an internet meeting. It was someone I wouldn't expect to do that, so I thought why not? I'll get it a shot. I signed myself up, I wrote a very difficult profile. Must sound funny, but not too cynically in 1800 characters. Must have interests that sound exotic and exciting and not included enjoying So You Think You Can Dance. I managed to write an okay profile and decided to let people come to me. But after more than one not suitable response, I decided to seek out a man myself. I sent a KISS, which is like a little wave to say 'hi'. He responded eagerly with an email and an invitation to chat later that night. Circumstances meant I was unable to, but the next day I emailed his private email address and introduced myself, offering a few chatty comments, a little bit of funny. A pretty well constructed email or so I thought. No word, for days upon days. I became like a sixteen year old girl, constantly logging on to check my email. But nothing, nadda, zip. I then check the internet dating site and he has now removed his profile! Not the best start.

Well, I will as the site says, be brave on Sunday's, every Sunday possible. Feel free to follow along with the lovely ups but mainly downs of my love life.

B.B.S.G - Being Brave on Sunday Girl